Ode To *Mildred (Spirits Of The Cloth)

Bear in mind that this is only the opinions of two crazy quilters ... this is not the opinion of the general populus of quilters, crazy or sane ...

We are nearly finished with the color study RR and I for one will be glad to see it end ... I tire of the same color and will scream if I see any more purple .. another CQer *Mildred (name has been changed to protect the guilty) who had also participated in a color study that was not necessarily the same one I was in, said if I see one more **** (color) bead or ribbon or floss I will run stark naked down the street .... I told *Mildred that if I signed up for another color study to shoot me with knitting needles ... size 10 ... US .... circulars if possible as I'm more used to them ... she told me that if she ever signs up for another RR she hopes someone puts her out of her misery ... she said she would shoot me with the needles and made me promise to do a lobotomy with a crochet hook on her should she fail herself .... the pact was made even though *Mildred and I have never met .... ahh but *Mildred and I are now kindred spirits ... spirits of the cloth ....

I stuck to my word, no more color study but I signed up for another RR, this one is "anything goes" ... any theme .. no particular color ... *Mildred asked me to research "lobotomy with crochet hook" in the meantime ... I guess she figures she may need the surgery although she said she "might" do a swap ...

Here's to my friend *Mildred and all of the other CQers who are in the same boat. The original part is in bold, I "embellished" the rest ...

Prefrontal lobotomy
pre-fron-tal lo-bot-o-my (plural pre-fron-tal lo-bot-o-mies) In case you want more than one or if the first doesn't take and you need it redone. Noun.

Definition: surgical cutting of brain nerves: Prefrontal lobotomy was formerly a method of reducing severe emotional disturbances, mostly seen among crazy quilters but the operation had serious side effects. Quilters still insisted on joining too many RR's in spite of treatment .... indulging in one color study too many until they are seeing the same color cloth and threads on everything and everyone .... sleepwalking towards one's sewing machine but not arriving because of falling headfirst into a Rubbermaid container of silk, satin and velvets ... husband goes to look for shirts and they are in a pile in the sewing room because they look like nice quilt fabric ... he wonders where the buttons have gone ... sees them in a jar on the shelf like a scientist's lab and utters "my wife has gone mad" shaking his head as he looks for something to wear that won't make him look like Don Johnson or "Magnum P.I." .. not that there is any fear of that!!

Some have been seen going into stores and asking the price of a Vera Wang gown because it would make a simply lovely lap quilt .... either they have just simply given that no thought or they enjoy watching a clerk faint to the ground .. some very serious cases have even found themselves entering the most exclusive of dress shops and taking a heavily beaded gown that they can barely lift, into the fitting room .. not bothering to look at the size .... the clerk comes in after 15 mins to ask if you need anything or any help getting into the gown (they obviously noticed that the gown was a 2 and the customer was not) .... the quilter is fondling the gown which is draping onto the floor ... with a glazed over look in her eyes while sitting on the provided stool and says to the young clerk, "some snips please" .... clerk runs screaming to find a supervisor ... husband is called about his unruly wife .. when he arrives at the shop he says "oh it's beads. She's a crazy quilter" .... "yes" said the supervisor. "She certainly is" ... crazy quilter is led from the exclusive shop by one embarassed husband as she chants "I only asked for snips" while glaring madly at the supervisor .. clerk is still sniffing smelling salts ... quilter hisses "you will NEVER make a crazy quilter!!"

Some quilters swear off RR's but in the heat of the moment they consider the alternative .. a swap .. oh yes ... a swap would be nice and so easy .... one or two other people in the group ... doing what we want ... oh that sounds so inviting .. during sleep one such quilter sat up and blurted out "OH YESS!! I'd LOVE to do a swap! Oh thank you for asking me!" ... the bad thing about this is, that husbands do not think of "swap" in the same way .. suddenly there is a man coming to life like he's just been poked by Madonna's bra and doing a dance on the bed saying "YEAH BABY! Got anyone in mind?" ... quilter says "you'll put your back out you idiot, it's a quilting term" .... husband mutters something under his breath that was the farthest thing from a quilting term, attempts to get comfortable, his dreams of swaps shattered ..

Ladies. There are plusses to doing RR's .... really ... it's a learning experience .... I for one know only four stitches ... I learn slowly .... I sew even slower ... it's fun to see everyone's blocks, how they are put together, what seam treatments they use, what their forte is ... one may do wonderful spiderwebs while another is a whiz with Colonial knots ... neither of which I can do but I love beads and ribbonwork ... I am fearful of spiderwebs and bugs but I love the little knots and florally stuff .... everyone has something to offer.

But please. Do forgive *Mildred and I if we decline an invite to join another color study / RR ... we will be busy ensuring that neither of us need a meeting with the knitting needles and crochet hook.